Reflections from a Recovering Perfectionist & Berwyn Pennsylvania Eating Disorder Therapist
By: Leslie Ann Glossner M.S.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Ugh! Why did I do that? I just set back all the
progress I made this month”? Or “I’m always taking one step forward and three steps back”? Or “I’m exhausted, but if I don’t meet my goals for the day, I’ll be so disappointed in myself”?
You’re not alone. I have heard my clients, my friends, my family, and- even for a brief
moment- myself say something similar. Sometimes when we have a goal in mind, we become so laser-focused and rigid in achieving that goal. Every single choice we make must be aligned with that overarching dream. If we happen to slip up, make a mistake, fall back to an old habit, or just feel a little too tired to put our noses to the grindstone, it becomes a failure. Suddenly we’ve lost all our progress.
WRONG!
Any step in recovery or in life is BRAVE! You are BRAVE! Sometimes, we begin ruminating over what we should have done differently. We beat ourselves up because we knew better or we “should be over this by now.” There is little kindness, compassion, or gentleness in our response, only kicking ourselves for washing all our good work down the drain. It can even make us want to give up. We are flooded with a mix of emotions. There may be frustration, hopelessness, powerlessness, self-judgment, disappointment, shame, sadness, anger, or a unique mix of them all and more!
Maybe you had a moment where you felt like you had a terrible body image day. Maybe you engaged in a behavior that you’ve been trying to let go of. Maybe you fell back on an old coping mechanism. Or maybe you were just too tired to do anything! I’m here to tell you that that’s okay. Believe it or not, you are not a recovery robot. You are a human being fighting against a powerful foe: perfectionism. You thought I was going to say eating disorders, didn’t you? Them too! However, in this blog, I want to bring attention to one of ED’s staunchest allies, perfectionism! Perfection is a core trait for many suffering with eating disorders, anxiety, OCD, and a myriad of other mental health issues. This trait can make the recovery process feel overwhelming when inevitable setbacks occur. (Emphasis on inevitable!) However, sustainable healing comes not from flawless execution but from continuous growth and learning.
Many individuals (especially those with eating disorders) hold themselves to impossibly high standards in their relationships, in their jobs, and especially in their disordered behaviors and in their recovery. The belief that recovery must be linear, with no slip-ups, can create frustration, shame, and even the urge to give up when challenges arise. Does this sound at all familiar? This black-and-white thinking—either being “fully recovered” or “completely failing”—ignores the reality that healing is a spectrum with ups and downs.
When perfection becomes the goal, minor setbacks can feel like devastating failures,
leading to feelings of guilt and self-criticism. This can lead right back to the harmful cycle of using disordered behaviors as a way to cope. So, what if there is another way? What if we can begin to break that cycle? What if instead of striving for perfection, we embrace progress as the true measure of success? Focusing on progress can create a more sustainable and forgiving recovery process.
You may be saying, “okay, Leslie Ann, that sounds all fine and dandy, but how? How do I shift my focus from striving for perfection to celebrating progress? Striving for perfection is all I’ve ever known!” And that is such a valid response. Perfectionism can act as a force driving us to reach our goals, and for that reason, can be wrapped up in our self-worth. That can be a nasty double-edged sword, though, especially when perfectionism is leading us to maintain maladaptive behaviors and unrealistic expectations in the name of perfection.
Guess what? There are a few ways to slowly deconstruct the need for perfectionism. (I
say slowly because our brains have developed this perfectionistic pattern for a while. Therefore, it may take a couple tries to begin conceptualizing progress as success! Lucky for us, our brains are so incredible and can make new connections.)
1. Embrace Small Wins - Recovery is built on the cumulation of little, daily victories.
These wins may appear insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they are
the building blocks of long-term recovery. Examples include:
Eating a fear food! No matter if it’s just a bite, you tried something scary!
Challenging hurtful body image thoughts
Being aware of and honoring hunger and fullness cues
Reducing compensatory behaviors little by little each day
Celebrating these small wins can shift focus from achieving perfection to
recognizing hard work, determination, and growth.
2. Reframe Setbacks into Opportunities to Learn. Setbacks happen. They
happen to everyone. Life is naturally full of setbacks. It’s important to accept
them as inevitable and also know that they do not negate progress. Reframing
setbacks into learning opportunities can help us bounce back quicker! To do so,
try asking yourself some reflective questions after a moment of distress.
What triggered this reaction, behavior, or thought pattern?
What can I do differently next time?
What supports, tools, or coping mechanisms can I strengthen or use next?
Ultimately, recovery is about learning from our experiences and fostering greater
insights and self-compassion.
3. Practice Self-Compassion. This one is one of the biggest factors in
overcoming perfectionism! Recovery is DIFFICULT. Being kind to yourself
throughout the process can make a massive difference. You can start by leaving
self-criticism behind and:
Speak to yourself with the kindness and compassion as you’d give to a friend
Acknowledge that recovery is hard and struggling is part of the process
Allow space to nonjudgmentally feel emotions
Self-compassion is the key to building resilience. In turn, resilience helps to
navigate setbacks and press forward in recovery.
Choosing progress over perfection in recovery allows for a more compassionate and
sustainable journey. Recovery is not about flawless execution but about resilience, self-growth, and learning to navigate challenges with grace. Recovery is a journey, a process, an adventure, not a destination. Every step forward—no matter how small—is a victory. So, if you’re on the path to recovery, remind yourself: You don’t have to do it perfectly; you just have to keep going.
Here are some resources to further explore the science behind perfection in eating disorders as well as a link to self-compassion.org, where you can find ways to practice! Additionally, here is a blog we wrote about self-compassion. Also, if you are struggling please know we would be honored to share in your journey. I personally am taking clients and you can learn more about me here. No matter where you are in your journey please remember perfection is an illusion and healing is possible!!
Other Mental Health Services Offered in PA, NJ, DE, SC, MD, CT, VT, and FL
We offer a wide variety of services related to eating disorder recovery including trauma therapy! We offer Weekly Support Groups, Nutrition Services, and Family and Parent Therapy as well as Coaching, all tailored to meet the specific needs of the individual. We offer our services for Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, and Orthorexia as well as Maternal Mental Health, and eating disorder therapy for athletes online in New Jersey, Delaware, South Carolina, Maryland, Florida, Vermont, and Connecticut! We are here to offer our support and understanding in a safe and non-judgmental environment.
We have immediate openings right now for eating disorder therapy in:
Delaware, New Jersey, Florida, Maryland South Carolina, Connecticut, Vermont, and Pennsylvania.
And recovery coaching worldwide.
Recovered and Restored is an eating disorder therapy center founded by Gabrielle Morreale, LPC. We specialize in helping teens and young women heal from eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, and binge eating disorder and treat disordered eating, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. We provide eating disorder therapy in the towns of Horsham, Upper Gwynedd, Lower Gwynedd, North Wales, Lansdale, Hatfield, Blue Bell, Doylestown, and nearby towns with eating disorder therapy. Also providing virtual eating disorder therapy in New Jersey, Delaware, and Florida. Some towns served virtually but are not limited to Pittsburg, Lancaster, Harrisburg, Center City, Cherry Hill, Haddonfield, Mount Laurel, Cape May, Avalon, Brick, Dover, New Castle, Bethany Beach, Marydel, and Oceanview
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