How to Respond to Body Comments During Eating Disorder Recovery
By: Gabrielle Morreale M.A. LPC.
Gabrielle Morreale is a licensed professional counselor and clinical director and eating disorder therapist at Recovered & Restored Eating Disorder Therapy Center
Recovery is often a unique journey for all of us. One common theme I hear as an eating disorder and body image therapist is the struggle to tolerate food and body comments. It can be especially hurtful from loved ones and the individuals we interact with day to day. Don’t they know I’m in recovery? Navigating diet talk and figuring out how to respond to body comments can feel like such an added mental load.
A remark about weight loss, weight gain, appearance, clothing size, or body shape can bring up challenging thoughts and emotions. You may feel anxious, ashamed, angry, confused, or distracted from your recovery goals. Also lets be honest - don’t we all have better things to talk about?
Body comments can be especially difficult during eating disorder recovery, even when they are intended as compliments. Comments about weight, appearance, food, or body size can reinforce eating disorder thoughts, increase anxiety, or distract from recovery. Learning how to set boundaries, redirect conversations, and prepare a few responses in advance can make these interactions easier to navigate.
If body comments are difficult for you, you are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to protect your peace.
Why Body Comments Can Be Triggering During Eating Disorder Recovery
During recovery from an eating disorder/disordered eating body comments may not only fuel someone's disorder, but they also may reinforce unhelpful beliefs. Clients often feel as if their body is top of mind when it comes to other people, when in fact it is not. These comments can cause unnecessary anxiety, symptom usage and even cause social isolation. Research also suggests that comments from parents about weight, shape, and eating can influence teens’ eating disorder thoughts and psychological well-being.
In an article from NEDA they give a great example: a comment such as, “You look so healthy” may unintentionally suggest that your body is being evaluated. A comment about weight loss may also create pressure to maintain a certain appearance, even if that appearance is not connected to your well-being.
Body comments also can:
Trigger comparison or body checking
Increase anxiety around eating
Reinforce the idea that body size determines worth
Create pressure to change or maintain your body
Distract you from internal signs of hunger, fullness, and well-being
Make social situations feel unsafe
Bring up memories of past criticism or stigma
These comments, while often well intended, are not helpful. Setting boundaries around food and body comments can be a part of the recovery process. As an eating disorder therapist, one thing I often help clients work on is identifying what they feel comfortable discussing as they navigate recovery. I will often encourage them to explore the following:
Which topics you will discuss
Who receives personal information about your recovery
What comments are unacceptable
When to leave a conversation
Whether you want support after a triggering interaction
Your boundaries do not require approval and can be flexible and fluid as your recovery progresses. Also remember just because someone doesn’t like your boundary doesn’t mean you have to change it.
What to Say When Someone Comments on Your Body While You’re in Eating Disorder Recovery
One thing that can be helpful is preparing a few simple responses that can help you feel more confident. Recovery is already hard enough. In my work with clients, I like to set them up for success, so we will often practice a few responses in advance so they don't have to figure out what to say in the moment.
What can you say when someone comments on your body during eating disorder recovery? You can keep your response simple, Here are some suggestions (some of these I even use in my own life). Depending on the situation, you might say:
Direct responses
“I’m not discussing my body.”
“Please don’t comment on my weight or appearance.”
“My body or food choices are not something I feel safe talking about with you.”
“I’m focusing on my health, not how my body looks. Please don’t bring attention to my appearance.”
“That comment isn’t helpful for me.”
Brief subject changes
“I’d rather talk about something else. How have you been?”
“Let’s move on from appearance-related topics.”
“I’m not discussing bodies or diets today.”
“How is your new project going?”
“Can we discuss anything besides this, even the weather would be better.”
Softer Responses
“I know you’re trying to be kind, but comments about my body can be difficult for me.”
“I appreciate your concern. What helps most is not focusing on my appearance or food choices.”
“I’m working on recovery, so please avoid comments about my body, weight, or food.”
“Have you considered making peace with your own body? You are worthy of that!”
Gentle reminder: most of the time the comments you hear are not meant to harm or upset you and they are often a reflection of the individual.
Also, you do not need to justify a boundary repeatedly. A short statement is enough. If you find people in your life are struggling to limit their diet talk/ body comments, it’s okay to take space as needed.
How to Set Boundaries Around Body Comments Before Social Events
Another tip myself and my team love sharing is if you anticipate body comments at a family gathering, workplace event, medical appointment, or social occasion, consider telling supportive people in advance. Your safe people in recovery want to support you and this is one way to incorporate loved ones into your recovery.
You can also ask a trusted person to help redirect conversations or accompany you if an event feels challenging. It’s okay to need support and the people who love you want to support you. Sometimes we just need to show them how, and this is one great way!
Before attending, create a simple plan:
Identify someone you can contact for support.
Decide which comments you will respond to directly.
Plan a phrase for changing the subject.
Choose a place where you can take a break.
Give yourself permission to leave if necessary.
Plan a calming activity for afterward.
Another helpful idea is that after a challenging event plan to do something fun with your identified safe person. This can allow for social connection and fun and may even build a deeper bond and remind your brain that recovery is worth it. It is, I promise!
As much as recovery is worth it, it can still be challenging. Gentle reminder: you can do hard things!
Now let’s talk about what happens if the ideas we’ve already talked about don’t work or fall short. This will happen. You are not doing anything wrong and I promise as someone who has been in strong recovery for almost a decade it gets easier.
What to Do After a Triggering Body Comment
Even with practice, strong boundaries, and a great community, you may still encounter upsetting comments. If this happens remember - you will be okay. You are significantly stronger than you often give yourself credit for. Try to focus on stabilizing rather than criticizing yourself or the individual who may have messed up. Grace, self-compassion, and forgiveness go a long way in the healing process.
Helpful steps may include:
Take a few slow breaths.
Move to a quieter or safer space.
Contact your therapist, dietitian, or trusted person.
Eat your next planned meal or snack if you can.
Avoid weighing yourself or checking your body.
Write down what happened and how it affected you.
Remind yourself that discomfort will pass.
If you have one, follow the coping plan you developed with your care team.
When To Seek Additional Support During Eating Disorder Recovery
Reaching out for help is courageous, and if you have the resources to build a care team, this is something we highly recommend. Eating disorder treatment often involves a multidisciplinary approach that brings together medical, psychological, and nutritional support. Depending on your individual needs, a therapist, eating disorder specialist, registered dietitian, doctor, or other recovery support professional can help you strengthen coping strategies and adjust your treatment plan as needed.
Final thoughts About Handling Body Comment During ED Recovery
Dealing with body comments in recovery can be frustrating, and you do not have to face them alone. You are allowed to set boundaries, change topics, leave a conversation, and protect your peace.
Your body and your recovery should not be a conversation topic unless you feel safe and comfortable. You get to decide what that looks like and who is honored with that vulnerable and tender information.
If body comments, food talk, or body image concerns are making eating disorder recovery more difficult, an eating disorder therapist can help you develop boundaries and coping strategies that fit your individual recovery. Learn more about our eating disorder therapy services or meet the Recovered & Restored team.
About the Author
Gabrielle Morreale, M.A., LPC, is the Owner and Clinical Director of Recovered & Restored Eating Disorder Therapy Center. She is an eating disorder therapist and HAES provider with more than 14 years of clinical experience, specializing in helping teens, young women, and families navigate eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image concerns.
Gabby is licensed in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Connecticut, Maryland, South Carolina, Vermont, and Florida. She is also fully recovered from anorexia, bringing both clinical expertise and lived experience to her work with clients.
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